Friday, October 28, 2016


This election season has been so divisive, with so many twists and turns, it makes roller coasters look tame. Let me be clear: I DO NOT LIKE ROLLER COASTERS, actual OR metaphorical ones. The cognitive dissonance, the finger-wagging, name-calling, the media pile-ons, the live on TV tell-offs… I hate to tell you America, but this election makes are butts look big. And by butts, I mean our culture. Reasonable discourse has been thrown out the window not just by Trump, but by the culture that WE co-created which MAKES TRUMP POSSIBLE.

If we didn’t have a culture of online shaming and bullying, we might not have Trump.
If we didn’t have a culture of aggression towards women, we might not have Trump.
If we didn’t have a culture of accusations with no regards for proof, we might not have Trump.
If we didn’t have a culture of deep-seated implicit racism, we might not have Trump.
If we didn’t have a culture of economic inequality BY DESIGN, we might not have Trump.

But we do. We do have a culture where people shame strangers publicly in online forums. We have a culture where adults AND CHILDREN are using social media to bully other people not just whom they know, but people who they DON’T know. We have a culture where, when women are asked, “Have you ever been assaulted?” the answer is usually which time?

We have a culture where people read headlines and share articles WITHOUT HAVING READ A DAMNED WORD of the article. And without having looked at the source, the kind of news they report, and thought about what kind of slant they might be presenting the news with. We have a culture which has thrived on implicit cultural and structural systems that are rooted in, and perpetuate, racism. 

We have a culture where we value the haves (of course their money must mean they are successful, which means they must have earned it). We have financial and governmental systems in place to protect the wealth of the wealthy, while letting those with fewer resources suffer because, by extension, if the wealthy have ‘earned’ their status, the poor must have ‘earned’ theirs as well. 

We have a culture of brutishness, selfishness, and incivility. We, Americans, are assholes. Now before you get all defensive (who am I kidding? You already are. I ALREADY AM), please look at that list I just wrote up there. NONE of us is immune to this. Have some of us committed bigger sins than others? Sure. But who am I, and who are YOU to judge that our own actions weren’t equally as awful? 

I hate to quote the bible, but I’m going to do it. Let them without sin cast the first stone. There’s a reason why this metaphor is so powerful, so timeless. Those who live in glass houses…. And it’s not for nothing that we speak of a glass ceiling. It’s this invisible barrier, just like the invisible bubble that we have around ourselves, which we all like to pretend doesn’t exist. 

But glass houses exist. Glass ceilings exist. We act as though we are immune to the tenor of discourse and don’t participate in it, we act as though women are treated equally to men, even when we know that we are not. We jump to conclusions based on headlines and here say without doing our due diligence. We all— yes ALL OF US— have implicit bias which is not only meant to otherwise people, but also to shore up our own identities, systems, and self-worth. And we ALL know that the economy is not an even playing field, and that the decks are stacked against those with less in favor of those with more. 

So let’s all (yes, ALL) of us take a deep breath, and look for ways that WE can be better. Ways we can change the culture, and stop tearing each other apart. Refuse to take part in petty discourse (even though it feels satisfying at the moment, it rarely results in anything more than hardening of positions). 

People on the right AND left have been finger pointing, calling each other stupid, decrying the other side’s opinions. As I said to a friend the other day, “there’s no Mason-Dixon line for idiots.” They are north, south, up, down, in, and out. And guess what? You and I? We are probably idiots too. And it’s a quick hop, skip, and a jump from being an idiot to being an asshole. 

So yes— do better, want better, expect better. But don’t be an asshole to other humans while trying to further your ‘cause.’ Be assertive about your arguments, but be well-informed AND well-intentioned. 


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