Yes, ladies and gents, last night's antics were a pinnacle of stupidity (see previous post "Bad Mom" if you don't know what I'm talking about and before I spoil it for you). Nay, they were an acme. Stupidity cum laude.
I did not awaken when my husband arrived home from his brief but meanigful visit to the Milwaukee airport post office. Staying true to my title as reigning Champion Sleeper TM, I did not let my silver-medal performance in the Annoying Hysterics grand slalom keep me up a second past midnight.
This morning my son had plans of his own. At 5:30am he awoke shrieking and, despite handholding, gentle hair-stroking, or even the granddaddy of them all, the full-court press into mommy and daddy's bed, he was not going to be convinced of going back to sleep.
Somehow at 5:30 in the morning, I must be forgiven. My limbic system, not fully awake yet, goes into a test mode similar to how those pesky smoke detectors seem to go off either a) when your boiling rice overfloweth or b) when the battery is dying. Except my version of the annoying, deafening peep is muttering a stream of expletives. In fact, I think I probably inherited this charming skill? predisposition? from my father's side of the family. Which makes it none the more charming.
Anyhow, after my son and I had hung out on the living room couch for a while, followed by breakfast (and his first little taste of guilt-ridden rice krispy treat), my husband emerged, bedraggled from the bedroom. Poor poor man. He said he had to drink one of those gallon-sized gas station cokes to stay awake. Then, in a moment of piercing lucidity, he said, "I was just thinking. We probably could have faxed it." Dagger through the heart!
We both dissolved into a pile of laughter.
A recent report found a correlation between longer lifespan and higher education. My husband and I, we are out to prove them wrong.